'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
