Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You smell like stripper and shame
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
