hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
