We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize