Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he shaved USA in his pubs
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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