JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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