I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize