you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
