Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
