Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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