i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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