I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
