Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
