I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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