i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
