I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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