I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize