dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
