oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
