You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
