This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it was like eating out sand paper
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
