Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
