I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
