Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
