I met the friendliest cop last night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
