You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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