look no pants
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
