You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You are the jesus of drinking
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
