I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
