she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize