then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize