Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
