yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
