Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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