she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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