I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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