i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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