just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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