he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
