I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
