Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
