last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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