i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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