Got a toothbrush?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
