There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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