Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
