This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
