overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
