He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
