WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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