maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
