i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
