He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
