I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
