Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
