It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i came on her dog
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
