is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
