I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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