she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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