i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
