bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
