For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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