talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
