Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
