Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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