Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
